When I was a teenager, about to get my license, my dad helped me look for a car. I had a little money saved up, and my dad and I went out to look at pretty much every car listed in the IWANNA at the time. Each one that we looked at, I would find something that I just "loved" and I would get really excited. I'd start building a fantasy while my dad talked engine quality and oil leaks. We looked at some real clunkers, but I'm an expert at fixating on the silver lining, even when it's actually a rust spot. So we would look at each car for about half an hour, by the end of that time, there were two very different reactions. I was bubbling with excitement, because I had already envisioned this car and I cruising into the sunset with white picket fences on either side of the road, and 2.5 kids in the backseat. My dad, on the other hand, was a real Eeyore about the whole thing. "No." he'd say, "This one's got too many problems. Let's go look at this other one." I'm not exactly sure how long this process of raised hopes, and rejection went on, but to my teenage brain, it felt like by the time we actually found a car that met my dad's approval, I'd be collecting social security. I became numb to the whole process, eventually. We almost didn't get my dream car, a 1990 Acura, Integra, because I was actually afraid to show that I loved it as much as I did. I assumed that as soon as I showed interest, he would veto that one too. Thankfully, my mom stepped in and told him the way that I was feeling, and that I would have been stoked no matter what.
What did I learn from that experience? Not everything that I needed to. I've gone through some very painful situations that involved me, thinking that I knew what was best, and being let down.
I've loved boys that lied. I used to go into relationships with the same gooey enthusiasm that I had for those rust spots. Thinking that no one was perfect, and who was I to judge. Then when they would shatter my heart, a few months later, I was left stunned. "Why did You let me go through that if You knew this would happen?" I would cry out to God and wonder what I was supposed to learn from this most recent heartbreak. Honestly, there are still some situations that I don't understand. I think that's the point though. We have to live right now. We don't know what our future's hold. God does. Just like my earthly father knew that a fan belt would break a few miles down the road, my Heavenly Father knows what will happen to me. The longer that I live, the more I pray before. Before what? Everything. When I interviewed for my job, I prayed "Not my will, but Yours be done." When I see a guy that strikes my fancy, "Not what I want, Lord. You know what's best for me." I still get disappointed, because, let's face it, we live on earth, and there is a lot of disappointment here. Now when something doesn't work out the way I want, I cry a little, and then I pray: "I can't wait to see what you've got planned for me that will top the door that just slammed in my face."
"All things work together for the good, for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose."
~Romans 8:28
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